Semana Santa

Holy Week is nearing…fast. It’s going to be a pretty damn short vacation. Not counting the weekend, two days isn’t really a long one. And I’m in dire need of a good looong break. From what you ask? From everything! I need to have a break from my daily routine…Seriously I think I’m about to go insane. I also need to have a break from thinking and worrying too much. I need a break from my social life, not that I have an existent one to begin with anyway. Wala lang, I just feel like saying it. Labo. I need to have a break from this normality (or should I say abnormality? Really depends on your assessment.) of being stuck in this road that says somewhere but leads to nowhere. Labo again. Maybe I just need to have a break and have a Kit Kat instead. Seryoso na sana eh. Haha Extra plugging pa for Nestle.

But it’s okay…it’s better than having no vacation at all.

I’m going to Hong Kong. Whoopee!! Woohoo!

Carpe Diem

My dad was telling me the other day how life is a one big routine that we must all inevitably take. The only thing that breaks this monotony is the extra curricular activities that we do, which can vary from planting to shopping or to some sort of a sport or hobby. He said it in such a matter-of-factly manner, I almost believed it. The said routine would consist of waking up each morning to go to work, then going home to sleep and wake up the following day to go to work again…EVERY SINGLE DAY. If my math serves me right, that would be doing the same repetitive task 240 times in a span of one year. Just thinking about it makes me tired already. Imagine that out of the 365 days, you spend only a mere 34% doing spontaneous or “un-routinary” things. This can’t be true. I’m going to prove my dad wrong.

Coincidentally I just finished reading this book by Paulo Coelho, which discusses man’s pursuit for the meaning of life in an angst-ridden orthodox society. The protagonist, finding herself stuck in a soulless routine with everything in her life being insanely the same all the time, decides to end her life. It’s such a good read. The book expresses my exact sentiments, which I precisely bought in hopes of satisfying my own frustrations about life.

The author zeroed in on bitterness as the main culprit, which he says occurs when people become afraid of the so-called reality that they begin building their own world with high defensive walls against the outside world. After which, they slowly start losing all desire and spend their energy on constructing more walls to make reality they want it to be. Thus everything becomes automatic and repetitive up to a point that each action is unaccompanied by any emotion; no desire whatsoever, even the will to live or die, which then leads to an even bigger problem.

So the solution? It’s really just a matter of having a good outlook on life. I think the reason why we succumb into a routinary way of life is because we want to conform and be the same like everybody else. After all, that is what society dictates; Work now, play later. The so-called reality will insist that if we don’t consume the other 66% working our asses off, we’ll have to pay a huge price for it. Thus work becomes our world, our false reality. We become so focused with the work part that we forget to see the real outside world, which should have F-U-N written all over it. In an attempt to conform, we become mechanical slaves to our work that we eventually fall into an endless pit of boring monotonous tasks. We need to have our own ‘awareness of life’ all fixed up, because right now our awareness of life seems to unsuitably consist of working and earning hard instead of partying and living it hard. We should dare to be different; we should be proud celebrators of life. This gift only comes once after all.

Stop Piracy!

Whatever happened to the “I am unique. I am special.” concept? Don’t tell me it’s just crap because I’ve religiously, seriously believed in this ever since I stepped into 1st grade school.

Someone at work just told me I look like somebody she knew from somewhere. She’s the second one at work who has told me this. One almost mistook me for this girl who works in a different department, while one asked me if I previously worked for Cititrust. I’m beginning to notice this is becoming to be a frequent thing. Wherever I go, people will not fail to mention I look like somebody else they know or once knew. Apparently I have a lot of carbon copies, so says the library guard at the Rizal Library in school, so says Astrid, a co-worker from my previous company, so says my current officemates, and so says the rest of the world...oops I mean, the others. Even a newly introduced friend whom I just met for the first time (take note of the ‘first’) also said I look like the wife of this well-known businessman.

I don’t know if this is a good thing. I’m beginning to consider applying for a copyright license…you know just so Edu Manzano wouldn’t run after me. It’s definitely weird though. I’ve lost count already but I must have had more than 10 look-alikes already…and still counting! Haha And what’s ironic here is that I do actually have a twin sister who looks exactly, well almost just like me.

Don't flush that toilet...

I know it’s a little too late for feng shui predictions. The Chinese New Year has already passed. But I recently stumbled upon this article stating how the southwest corner of a house or room is the relationship and marriage corner under the “Eight Life Aspirations” method of Feng Shui, which means one would have to “activate” the southwest corner to enhance one’s prospects with regards to love. Then it went on to further say that the toilet must not be located in the southwest. This is a big no-no for chances are, you’re just flushing your love luck away. No brooms and mops should also be kept in the corner for it is believed you’re sweeping away good fortune.

It was an unconscious effort, I found myself mentally taking note of what part of my room was in the southwest corner. To my dismay, the bathroom was directly in the southwest. The toilet was in the southwest. Bad! So this must be the reason all along…that explains why. Haha So now, I guess I should refrain from flushing too much, better yet I think I should stop using the toilet altogether so that I don’t waste all of my love luck away.

I’m not sure whether to believe in this kind of stuff. I would have to say though I’m more of a believer than a skeptic when it comes to feng shui. I don’t know if I got it from my mom. Not that she strictly follows everything down to a tee but she tries at least to stick with the main principles. And more often than not, I think feng shui actually helps in promoting a lot of the good chi.

Someone once told me, the purpose of feng shui mainly has to do with practicality which I think makes good sense. A lot of it deals with knowing how to maximize the space around you in order to create or channel all the positive energy. It’s all about positioning they say. I had someone explained to me why the bed shouldn’t be directly in front of the mirror. He says if you think about it, it’s just practical to do so. After all when one wakes up in the morning, it’ll definitely create bad energy when the first thing one sees in the morning is one’s self. Unruly hair, rumpled clothes, and all…it is indeed unsightly. Funny isn’t it? But it does make sense.

As to why the toilet should not be placed in the southwest corner, I’m still figuring it out. So while I’m still looking for a suitable logical explanation, I think I would have to buy a lot of red objects and put lots of red fresh flowers in the bathroom for now.

Ready, Get Set, Play!

I was talking to some friends a few weeks back. We agreed that women by nature are emotional creatures. As much as we say we could play the game side by side with the men, we always end up whether consciously or unconsciously, emotionally involved. I think I have to agree that women can’t be players because the more we gamble, the more we can’t get out of the game. It’s like digging a big hole for ourselves. The more we play along, the more we realize it’s not that fun to play anymore. It’s a lot like playing too many rounds of a bad poker game. You’re winning the first few rounds and you think, ‘alright!’ but come the latter part, you start losing all the money that you initially won and you start thinking, ‘this sucks!’. And suddenly it stops being fun anymore. It makes you want to stop the game and not play anymore. We think playing for fun would have lesser risks and repercussions as opposed to being serious about something, but come to think of it, it’s all just the same…We become so attached to the game that we actually end up losing and for some, hurting.

So before deciding to play the game, ask yourself what’s in it for you. Ask yourself what you want out from it. If none, then don’t play. Don’t go into a game looking for something because you won’t find it there for sure. Don’t waste your time. Don’t waste your heart. The game is not worth it.

A New Find

I had my first yoga class last night. My cousin invited this yoga instructor to his house so that we could have a more personal slash one-on-one class with him. Since I have not been getting enough exercise, I decided to join in and give it a try. With the dimmed lights and slow music playing in the background, I thought I would fall asleep. But surprisingly, I enjoyed doing all the breathing and stretching exercises even if I wasn’t able to do some of it properly. I did not feel an entire hour has passed by at all.

Our yoga instructor’s name is Herman who incidentally is a German. How apt, meet Herman the German. He has been a practicing yogi for almost 20 years. He has lived in India and Boracay for a couple of years already before finally settling in Manila for a good solid 6 years now. I think he’s the real deal. He IS passionate about yoga. He even took the time to introduce yoga to us prior to the actual class itself. All the positions had an explanation as well. We did Hatha Yoga, which is supposed to be good for exercising, stretching, and freeing the body. I liked the Sun position the most. It’s where you start from the ground and slowly stretch out with arms reaching out to the sky and slowly widening them apart until they reach down to the ground again…never mind, I won’t bother explaining it in words. I don’t think I made sense anyway.

I’m not sure though if I’m into these spiritual meditation/reflection stuff. Yoga requires a lot of concentration and I’m no good at it. My mind usually wanders off easily. When I’m supposed to be ‘flying into the sky’ as what yoga master Herman instructs, I’m thinking ‘what will I eat later?’ Hehe Then yoga requires lots of flexibility and I’m no good at it either. I can’t even stand on one leg, which is already so simple to do. And even if I do stand up on one leg, it’s only for a few seconds.

We’re planning to make this yoga a twice-a-week thing. I don’t know if this current hobby is going to last long. I’m not giving up on yoga just yet. I think it could provide a lot of benefits. It’s supposed to make you clear-minded and fill your body with vitality. I also heard yoga could help you grow taller with all the stretching that you do. So I guess it’s going to be all breathing and stretching for now. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Aahhmmnn…

On Not Being Perfect

I was chatting with Nicole awhile ago. She mentioned about this particular scene in Desperate Housewives that struck her. I’ve yet to watch the show though. Anyway the story goes something like how nobody likes to show other people their weaknesses. We pretend that everything looks perfectly rosy on the outside when it’s actually the other way around on the inside. The character in the show tired of always being a failure finally breaks down. Then she founds out that she wasn’t alone in her misery. She finds out from her other “perfect” fellow housewives that they too were apparently not that perfect after all. One of the housewives mentioned how they shouldn’t keep these things from one another and how they shouldn’t be afraid to tell each other their weaknesses.

I agree. While we all have our own insecurities, we shouldn’t be ashamed to share it. It is what makes us more human after all, don’t you think so? Sometimes sharing it can actually be beneficial in more than a lot of ways. Being open about it can help us cope and deal with it more easily. Having someone to sympathize with us eases the burden as well; what seemed to be a heavy load becomes a hundred times lighter. Besides keeping everything to one’s self can be dangerously explosive and destructive at times. It’s not healthy. You have to accept yourself for what you are, with all weaknesses included. If loving the self requires that you accept your insecurities then so be it. If accepting one's insecurities requires that you be judged for it then so be it. You can’t take away the fact that we will always have our weaknesses. Nobody’s perfect…a cliché I know. But true right?

Just a side note. I think I spoke too soon. TNT lost to the Gins. =( Shucks. Eric Menk was extra strong today, weirdly strong if I must say so. I can’t help but think he’s on steroids. I sound bitter I know. Hehe Nah he’s probably just pumped up and too hungry for the crown; gotta give him some credit though even if I don’t like him that much. If only TNT’s first win hadn’t been nullified, it would have been tied 3-3. Then TNT could have won the series. Oh well.

Go Go Gooo TNT!

Go TNT! Go Go Gooooo!! Hehehe

The series is now tied 2-2, Gin versus TNT. I’m rooting for TNT all the way. Tonight’s pivotal game will surely be an exciting one. I think the one who wins today will have bigger chances of bagging the championship crown. And I do hope it’ll be TNT. With or without Asi, TNT is a strong team to beat. With guards like Miller and Alapag, and big men like Telan and Ocampo, there’s no way the Gins can stop them. Menk and Caguioa should better work double time. Okay I think I’m now sounding like a basketball fanatic. But really I’m not. I just watch the game but I don’t follow religiously, well unless it’s the finals and it’s my favorite team who’s playing.

Dinner and Coffee

My sister finally graduated yesterday, and with honors at that. Val will also graduate this coming March. I can’t believe we’re all through with school. We’re all so grown up now though I’m not sure if we really are. I still feel like a kid at times…no direction, no purpose, inexperienced, confused, and dependent on a lot of things.

So anyway, we had dinner after at Shanghai Bistro in Eastwood together with everybody. Dinner was good. I walked around Eastwood afterwards and was surprised to see Fuente Circle transformed into a bright festive atmosphere that night. I think the mini-carousel along with the lights and hanging heart decors made all the difference.

Then I met up with Roanne and Kim afterwards at the new row of restaurants in Greenhills. Surprisingly, I didn’t want to go home that night. Normally I would cancel and just go home instead since it was late already. But I’m glad though I opted to have coffee with them. I haven’t seen and talked to them in awhile already and it was nice catching up with them. Kim unfortunately had to leave early so it was girl bonding with Ro that night. It was funny how we actually had a lot to talk about. Maybe it’s because we don’t get to talk to each other that much, so updating each other on the ‘happenings’ and ‘not happening’ in our lives automatically became the agenda that night. Sayang the others were not able to go. Hopefully we’d all be complete next time and have dinner together.

Big and Small Likes List

I like Fridays. I like weekends. I like watching movies. I like marathons, of tv shows in dvd/vcd that is. I like to travel, be independent, and live on my own in a foreign country like say, San Francisco. I like to be committed. I like to stay committed. I like work, well most of the time I do. I like nice long conversations. I like short meaningful chats. I like sense. I like feel-good music. I like coffee breakfasts. I like to go scuba diving and be able to swim with the fishes. I like humility. I like simplicity. I like being inspired. I like to be inspired. I like eating and not gain an inch. I like getting together with friends. I like car rides without traffic. I like rainbows. I like celebrations. I like babies. I like funny people. I like sincere people. I like people who stay true to themselves. I like good news. I like good long walks. I like to learn new stuff. I like to be fluent in Chinese. I like to learn how to swim without a life vest on. I like a good long 8-hours sleep. I like sitting in the beach and wait for the sun to set down. I like rainy days. I like seeing beauty that most people often don’t or fail to see. I like swinging, be it clubs or irons. I like sweating it out. I like dressing it up. I like laughing until my head or stomach hurts. I like singing alone, in the bathroom. I like philosophizing about things. I like to psycho analyze. I like to have a golden retriever, a chow-chow, or a pug. I like to have my own koi pond. I like to be more open. I like to own something. I like to do something. I like to say yes to everything. I lke to be somebody. I like being happy. I like to be happy. I like to stay happy.

I like. I like. I like.

So many things to do, so many things to see, so many things to learn, so many things to want…all with so little time.

What Now?

I wonder if the person right next to you can feel what you are feeling and feels the same way as you do. Most of the time, you can’t tell. Is there really such a thing as sensing a spark? You sense chemistry at work with all the moving electrons going about, but does the other person feel it too? What if you’re just hallucinating and perhaps it’s just the cotton fibers of your shirt that’s causing the spark no more no less?

So how do you know for sure? I don’t know. I was thinking maybe the answer lies in being able to distinguish what’s real from what’s not. We have to be careful with these personal mind games that we play. It could affect our sense of reality and blur our perception of certain things, say what we are feeling at the moment or what we want from the current situation. Falling into this kind of trap can be messy not to mention emotionally distressing. We must not let ourselves get carried away by the idea of something that could probably be just a figment of our imagination only. But then this is not to say that we should discard everything as null and invalid because what if it is indeed real and existing? The formula here involves a little gut feel, lots of perceptiveness and huge amounts of rationality.

On the other hand we could opt not to do any psycho analyzing or psycho whatever. Sometimes this could actually be the best thing to do. Instead of mulling over the situation, why not free the self from the burden of dissecting every minute detail and just enjoy the moment, regardless whether it will or will not last. I guess the next sentence best sums up what I have to say, ‘As much as the heart may want to take off into the clouds, the intuition may be calling you back down to Earth, so try your best to balance these energies and use them to infuse a creative burst’.

I Speak Now

Keeping my mouth shut is what I do best. Less talk, less trouble; the more talk, the more prone you are to misquotations and misinterpretations. Word travels fast, faster than a speeding bullet. When it reaches the grapevine, you’ll be amazed at how a simple story has been twisted and turned into an interestingly big story-the more sensationalized, the better, or at how a good intentioned slash well-intended sentence turns into a “meaningfully” loaded interpretation that’s unbelievably so far out from the truth.

Someone told me the other day I have to be assertive and tough, which I obviously lack. I’ve always been a non-confrontational person. Well not always. I used to be the bully way back when I was in my pre-school/elementary years. I was always the leader. And now twenty three years later, I just let other people handle and do all the talking. I would usually give in and agree along for the sake of camaraderie. There are certain exceptions though. I do speak up only when it is absolutely necessary. When things get personal then that’s the time I speak up. Otherwise I couldn’t careless.

I am slowly finding this to be a not-so-good a choice though. Keeping quiet seems to be not enough anymore. I’ve discovered that less talk would mislead people to wrong judgments about you. While I would prefer to keep mum and allow people to think whatever they want to think, I am now finding the urge to speak out loud. It’s a man-eats-world out there. If you don’t want to get trampled on, it’s imperative to speak up and let your voice be heard, which exactly I am trying hard to do now.